The façade of wellness.

I was watching Fran Lebowitz’s Pretend it’s a City on Netflix the other day, and Fran was sending me with her dry humor, especially her descriptions of “wellness” as a concept:

I don’t know how long there’s been “wellness,” you know? I’m sure you could look it up on your modern device, but there didn’t used to be wellness. When people used to say the word “healthy,” they meant “not sick.”. . . Being not sick, that was good. But wellness — and I say this at a distance because I have not pursued wellness — seems to me to be, “Yes, I’m not sick, but I’m not not sick enough. I am not sick at the moment, but maybe I might get sick five years from now. What can I do to keep that from happening?”

It is a greediness for extra health in a world — and I don’t even just mean because of the virus — while the vast majority of people almost have no chance of getting even near good health. And also, it’s silly in lots of ways. Like everyone else, I read all this stuff or I see all this stuff, or I hear people talking about this stuff, and it’s hard for me to imagine that people can talk about this stuff with a straight face. Are you kidding me? Could you really believe this? It’s childish.

I laugh, because underneath Fran’s snarkiness are nuggets of truth! What is driving the modern wellness industry? Where does this “greediness for extra health” stem from? Is there something that we are missing here?

The recent massive growth of wellness-related businesses reveals a lot about our modern world and our unmet needs. That, for many of us, something feels missing or not right in our lives that could perhaps be solved if we could be more ~ well ~. If we could just be more balanced. If we could just be less stressed. If we could just have that healthy lifestyle. Despite modern improvements, feeling healthy in a world that rides the paradox of connection and division, overflows with streams of information (and misinformation) to digest, and constantly generates new standards, trends, and expectations — is a relatable struggle!

And, playing upon that current of unease, wellness is marketed to us. Despite heavy processing, “health foods” are shoved in our face, exclusive workout clubs and memberships are idolized, and self-proclaimed “biohackers” sell “all natural” products to cure swaths of ailments. Online, performances of wellness quickly become tied to wealth (often coded as “abundance” to appear more palatable). Problems are created (i.e. “hip dips”), and solutions are designed to solve them (“targeted” workout classes). It is an undeniable fact that making people hate and overwork their bodies is a central force in our economy. At the end of the day, “getting in your wellness” can easily feel like yet another thing to add to an already overflowing to do list.

Perhaps this is a sign that we as a society are getting it wrong with wellness. Or that this current take on wellness is just a façade, distracting us from (1) gratitude we could be tapping into and (2) effective actions to take if we actually don’t feel well. Don’t get me wrong — I love a cold green juice after a spin class as much as the next gal — but if we actually want to get at the root of how to heal ourselves, we have to remember that true wellness isn’t always, well, cute. More often than not, the process can be gross, dirty, hard, annoying, terrifying — but true wellness is a process with a goal of creating a life that we don’t have to escape from. Creating a life that is generally exciting and meaningful to live — not a high stress one held together by a few bubble-bath band-aids or a company-sponsored yoga class once a month.

Wellness isn’t about perfection or “doing it all.” But, even when discussing something as deceptively simple as getting enough sleep — that is easy to preach about from a place of privilege. Many folks are working extremely hard and have no choice but to sacrifice their potential wellness time in order to stay financially afloat or keep their family running. We are all moving through different seasons of life, and we don’t all have the same resources at our disposal.

But, regardless of where we are each at, I encourage you to start somewhere. We all deserve to feel safe and well, and investing in yourself is worth it. Everyone’s exploration of wellness will be unique, but here are a few ideas to get started if you don’t know where to begin. As you read, if any of these points either resonate with you or trigger you, think about why that might be the case.

🧿 Are you living in alignment with yourself?

Yep. Jumping right in with a heavy one. Do you feel like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing on this earth? Are you following that thing that lights you up on the inside? Do you feel like you are being your authentic self? Are you driven by something inside of you, or do you require external approval to generate motivation? If you are living in a state of cognitive dissonance, addressing this issue of alignment will likely help relieve a lot of your anxiety.

🧿 What are your values?

Sounds like a cheesy question for a job interview, I know, but checking in with your values can be eye-opening. Sometimes we can feel a little “off” and not know why because we aren’t living in a way that agrees with what we believe about ourselves. Asking ourselves what we actually value (treating others with kindness, living creatively, being a loyal friend, fighting for animal rights, standing by your promises, etc.) is the first step to seeing if we are living in integrity.

🧿 How are you practicing gratitude?

Gratitude can also feel like a cheesy concept. Sometimes, the harder we try to “be thankful for our blessings,” the more the feeling evades us! If you are someone who is able to find gratitude through daily journaling or quiet reflection, continue to do that! But finding gratitude through “wakeup calls” (such as volunteering in your community or helping someone in need) can be helpful if you are in a gratitude rut. Getting out of our own heads and learning about someone else’s experiences keeps us from the “woe is me” mentality.

🧿 What media are you regularly consuming?

Take an inventory of what types of media you are consuming on a daily basis. What websites are you reading? Who are you following on social media? Are there any podcasts that you regularly listen to? Does your daily feed of information serve to uplift you, or does it cause you feel kinda anxious or down? Curate the information that you digest to help you feel your best.

🧿 Who are you spending your time with?

Take stock of any toxic relationships you may be participating in. Social influence is real! Do you feel like there is someone who you can confide in during difficult times? Are you respecting the people in your life who respect you? Nurturing healthy friendships and relationships is important for feeling well.

🧿 What are you eating and drinking?

We have heard it many times before: we are what we eat! But everyone is different. What foods and drinks make you feel good and bad? “Intuitive eating” has quickly become an overused term perhaps, but listening to your body is important. (Click here for resources for eating disorders, and here for resources for substance abuse.)

🧿 How are you moving?

Finding a way to move and challenge your body on a regular basis helps with both mental health and neurological health. Do you like to dance, run, swim, cycle, or play a sport? If you haven’t found your favorite activity yet, keep looking! Team up with an exercise buddy or group to make it fun and keep you accountable.

🧿 What does your environment look like?

You know the feeling you get after giving your home a deep clean? It’s pretty satisfying. Operating in a space that is orderly and tidy will help you feel better! Curating different spaces for work and for leisure can help us keep a healthy work/life division, especially when working from home. Aside from cleanliness, style and organize your space in a way that aligns with your preferences.

🧿 …Meditating yet?

I know… I know… it’s the oldest wellness tip in the book. Meditating is so great, I have heard it a million times, tons of research studies supporting it, I got it… but do you actually meditate though? Have you taken time to consider that this is a completely free, extremely powerful wellness tool available to you at any time? Imagine what it would be like if our society as a whole actually meditated — if it was integrated into our culture. What if, before every single group meeting or event, everyone took a moment of silence together to meditate? Wouldn’t it be amazing how much more chill everyone would be and how different our world would start to look? Be the change you want to see in the world, fam ✌️.

🧿 How is your mindset?

When something goes wrong, how do you generally react? Do you feel like you make decisions based on emotion or on reason? Do you get caught up in negative thought loops? On the spectrum of taking responsibility for life versus feeling like a victim of life, where do you fall? If you are struggling with a healthy mindset, cognitive-behavioral therapy may be helpful, as well as meditating, mentioned above!

🧿 Are you making time for yourself & addressing your own needs?

Regardless of how busy we are, or what responsibilities we have, it is essential to carve out a little time just for ourselves. If we aren’t able to take care of ourselves, it is impossible to do the best for the people around us. By taking even just a few minutes at the beginning or end of the day to go over our calendar, clean our space, journal, do yoga, enjoy a warm drink, read a book, slap on a sheet mask — whatever we need to re-center ourselves.

🧿 How often are you trying something new or challenging yourself?

If we never take the time to do new things, the days quickly start to blur together. Although getting out of our comfort zone isn’t easy, staying the same forever isn’t fulfilling. Do something different today just because you can!

🧿 What are you creating?

We all have a creative side to ourselves. Tapping into our imagination, getting into a state of flow, making someone unique. If you aren’t engaged in any creative activities, life might get pretty boring!

🧿 Are you spending any time in nature?

Connecting with the great outdoors can be super therapeutic. Especially if you live in a concrete jungle, make plans to get outside and hug a tree. Or import nature indoors with a smattering of houseplants! Fun fact: seeing green spaces has been associated with reducing unhealthy cravings.

🧿 Where does your validation come from: inside or out?

If you find yourself “living for the likes,” craving complements, or thinking a lot about how others perceive you, it may be time to refocus your energy. Develop self-esteem by doing estimable things. Do things that make yourself proud, and you may start caring a lot less what your middle school frenemy thinks about you now.

🧿 Have you taken time to address past emotional, psychological, and/or physical trauma?

We all have had different childhood experiences and traumas, and some of us have faced extreme challenges in our past. To anyone who has experienced abuse or neglect, my heart goes out to you. If someone has hurt you, know that it was not your fault. If this brings something up for you, working with a trained professional to work through trauma may be a good first step.

Be kind to yourself, and be well, my friend!

x, Dr. Claire.